I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
