I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
