dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
