Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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