I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
