you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
