I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
