I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you had me at cake vodka
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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