just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
