dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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