Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
