Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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