I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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