if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
