This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
