Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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