her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize