bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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