just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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