singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
