just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize