i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
