Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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