if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i drank out of a bidet.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
