he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
