i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
