well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
