addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
