My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
