I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
