The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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