I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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