After last night, I could never be a politician.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
