So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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