I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
