ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
