Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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