im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
