hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize