In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I currently don't understand fingers.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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