I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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