He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize