there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
