Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
