how can u be prego again
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize