i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
