Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
