You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
