Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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