Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it glows. i had to have it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
