batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
