hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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