How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
