I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
