Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
