I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
3pm strippers are depressing
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
