i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
