She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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