And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
