so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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