he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
