making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
