I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
tonight lets celebrate not being married
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize