i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
